My experience with Verizon is if it sounds too go to be true, it is. Why do they feel they must teach that lesson over and over?

My wife an I are currently limping along on two old HTC One phones - the original M7 models, mind you. They've been decent phones .. sort of. Before I bought one, I had heard the camera wasn't the best feature. That's an exaggeration. They have absolutely horrid cameras. Even under the best conditions, the pictures are just so-so. Under less than ideal conditions, they're useless for pictures.

One of the reasons I bought them was because of the reputation for build quality. .. Yeah. Sure. One of the speakers on my phone only works at about 1/2 volume. The tiny notification LED stopped working on my phone only after a few months. I didn't drop my phone, or get it wet. It's been in a protective case since day one. It does still make calls and browse the internet. And it's a great hand-warmer in the winter, too! 

Queue the first grandchild. Now, I need a good camera phone. (I always did, but now, I have an excuse that will fly with the other interested party.) I've really been interested in the Galaxy S7 Edge since I heard they were bringing back expandable storage, and their cameras have been getting some amazing reviews.

So I get this offer in my e-mail:

I'm thinking, "Nice and good timing! Verizon is finally giving their existing customers a break!" I figure, why shouldn't they? I've been a Verizon Wireless customer for over a 10 years and a Verizon customer for over 30 years. So, I go to the web site, and I'm greeted with:

Sounds fantastic! Sign me up. Then I made the mistake of clicking the Find out how > link. This little tidbit of detail pops up (Note the red underline I added.):

Umm. Verizon. Sorry to say this, but I am not hiding one or two extra people in my basement that are in need of new wireless service. If I was doing that, I certainly wouldn't give them their own phones! Nope, I have the same three lines that we've had for years, and don't need any more .. which is likely true of about 98% of all the existing customers to which you sent that email. I admit, you had me going for a bit, though. At least, I didn't have to dig too deep to find out where it goes pear-shaped. My rough back-of-the-envelope estimate is we've probably paid over $18,0000.00 to Verizon Wireless in the last decade. I'm positive that's conservative. Doesn't matter; all water under the bridge or down the hole or whatever.

Tonight, my wife mentioned seeing the same offer during a commercial. I thought I'd check again just in case the terms changed. Nope. Existing customers get nothing (unless they become higher-ARPA customers). Got an automated email from Verizon Wireless to the effect, "Hey, we noticed you were pricing the new S7s, but you didn't buy any." No, sh*t, Sherlock. Not likely to any time in the future either at $800 a pop. Could you please stop rubbing it in how much better I'd have it as a new customer? I could become somebody's new customer.